Again, I'm just giving a warning that we are battening everything down here, waiting for Irene. The eye wall is supposed to pass within 100 miles of us on Saturday. We will likely lose power within the next 24 hrs, and chances are that it will be out for as much as 2 weeks. I will update as I am able, but please bear with me!
The demon on my shoulder laughed again.
I don’t see it, and it laughs silently, but I can feel the condemnation crawl over my skin like hairy spider’s legs. I fell for the empty promises. I’ve been duped again.
Every morning I wake up to a new day, a day of hope, of promise, of possible success. I am a child of God, and I always hope that today will be a day lived free of my sin, free of the shackles that bind me to my golden calf. My golden calf is food.
We all need food to survive. How wonderful it would be to just quit cold turkey, like the drug addict or the alcoholic. Even smokers get to stop and try to never look at the ashtray again. Unfortunately, we food addicts have to eat to live – but we have to learn when to stop or we’ll die.
My brain understands that the emptiness that I feel inside is the vacuum that God placed in me that only He can fill. But then the demon on my shoulder has lived with me for too many years and has whispered in my ear everyday for as long as I remember: “You just need a few more bites and you’ll feel full. Just a little chocolate and you’ll feel better. What could a second helping hurt – who knows when you’ll see such a great meal again? You better finish it all; don’t let it go to waste! You don’t want to miss out on this do you?”
And then I give in to him. I eat just a little more. I serve myself a second helping. Just a little bite of chocolate is all I take, or maybe a whole king size candy bar. I stuff myself beyond the signal to stop – hoping to feel full, trying not to miss out.
So the demon laughs at me. He’s done it again, and I fell for it. I didn’t even try to resist him. Haven’t I learned that I fall for it every time? I never ever feel like I’ve had enough. I feel so stuffed in my belly that my clothes don’t fit right anymore. I find it harder and harder to find a comfortable position to sleep in. I’m more tired. I’m less satisfied with my life than I have ever been.
When I stop to think about what I’m doing, the demon yells in my ear “Hurry up! You’ll miss out if you slow down. Someone will come in and stop you and then you’ll never get the desire of your heart!”
He feeds on my misery. He loves when I hate myself. He laughs at how he always wins.
He hates that I’ve started to read the Bible more, and that I’m studying how to break free from my sin. I am praying now while I eat, and am stopping sooner and sooner through the meal. The demon is getting weaker, finding less of my misery to feed on as I find the Joy of the Lord.
His lies cannot hurt me when slow down and tell myself the truth: Food will kill me, will take all my money, my happiness, my joy- and kill it. God wants me to live. He gave me Jesus to set me free, and He will teach me to live in freedom so that I will be happy, joyful, and live.
Who’s laughing now?