I am a morning person, I always have been. The funny part is that God has blessed me with a marriage to a night owl. He’s certifiable. My husband goes to bed somewhere around the time that you’d hear Reveille played at boot camp. We barely spend two hours together in the same bed.
He is rigid, while I tend to be flexible. So I have bent my schedule so that I can be with him more. I have ended up going to bed somewhere around one a.m., but because of that “morning person” programming that I have, I’m still up by seven or eight. So I’ve learned to take naps.
But here’s the problem as far as this concerns my walk with Jesus. Because I’m a morning person, I love to spend that time with Jesus. My bible gets read, I listen to teaching, and I spend time in praise and worship while I work. I love this time of day, I can hardly get on without it, and it’s even more precious because usually no one is around, so I can almost live like a monk in a monastery.
Then the household wakes up. We home school our son, so I get him started with his lessons. We live on a horse farm, and my day job is teaching riding lessons. So come about three in the afternoon, all the teenagers start to show up, and I become the hostess of a party that goes on about five hours every day.
It might amaze most people how being “happy and encouraging” no matter how you actually feel can be draining. But by the time that I’m done with my “day”, the sun starts going down. That is precisely when Satan’s attack on me begins.
Suddenly, all I can think about is myself. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I’d rather watch TV than read my Bible – and especially something brainless so I can vegetate. Then come the cravings – something sweet. . .no that didn’t do it. . .something salty. . .nope, maybe something meaty. . .better try something sweet again. And no matter what I eat, I just can’t seem to be satisfied. So the pounds have packed on.
Now the reality is that I know the truth. It’s not food that I crave – it’s fellowship with the Lord. But I’m too stubborn for that, I already fellowshipped with Him this morning, and I worked really hard all day. This is my time, right?
Today the Lord has taught me that I don’t fellowship with the Lord because He needs it, but because I do.
“He delights in the Lord’s instruction and he meditates on it day and night.” Psalm 1:2 (HSCB)
I’ve only been giving the Lord half of what is required of me. I need to think on him day AND NIGHT but I refused and held back the night.
“And don’t for a minute let this Book of the Revelation be out of mind. Ponder and meditate on it day and night, making sure you practice everything written in it. Then you’ll get where you’re going; then you’ll succeed.” Joshua 1:8 (MSG)
I let myself do exactly what the Lord told me not to do. I would go about my day with my mind upon Him and His word, then the minute that I got among people my mind would start to slip. And once they left, and I started to feel tired, Satan would slip in and tell me how I deserve this time for “myself” and that certainly the Lord couldn’t deny me this, Right? So I let my Lord and His teaching go straight out of my mind completely, refusing to let Him back in.
Now I’m begging for His deliverance, for Him to save me from my “self”. I believe that Jesus showed me that this is the way that I am to walk so that I can find my way out of my personal wilderness. He has told me:
“You’ve been going around in circles in these hills long enough;” Deuteronomy 2:3
I feel as though I have awakened from a long sleep. It’s so obvious to me now. How could I not see this before? Oh Lord forgive me for not keeping my every thought captive to your obedience, and how I pray Lord that I my progress and my witness will be seen by all. Just as the promise in 1Timothy 4:5 – “Practice and cultivate and meditate upon these duties; throw yourself wholly into them as your ministry, so that your progress may be evident to everybody.”