Sunday Devotional - What is Slavery Today?

When the Israelites first arrived in Egypt, it was for freedom sake. They were friends of Pharaoh (through Joseph), and they settled in the land of Goshen because the rest of the world was in the midst of a drought and they would die if they didn’t. They weren’t told what they couldn’t do. (Genesis 47)

But after a while, Pharaoh died, Joseph died, and everyone who knew any of them died, and soon the Israelites became slaves. They were stripped of the right to leave or to decline work. They lived in back breaking labor day in and day out, and were given no rest—after all, who gives rest to slaves?

So when they were finally given freedom, God instituted a day of rest, and they were given the right again to say “no” to work and enter into the stillness and peace that can only be found by allowing God to be ruler in their hearts again.

Deuteronomy 5:15 - Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out of there with a strong hand and an outstretched arm. That is why the Lord your God has commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.

Today slavery doesn’t look much different. It promises freedom because it will take care of us and fulfill our need without telling us what we can’t do or shouldn’t do. Smoking promises to keep us relaxed and help us stay thinner. Alcohol promises to help us forget our worries and become a more fun person. Caffeine promises to help us stay alert and awake so we can work or play longer and need sleep less. Food promises to comfort us and keep us from ever feeling hungry. 

But once we continue to live with our newfound friend and addiction, we’ll find it’s not easy to leave or even decline it when we have an urge to continue. And what’s worse is that we have to pay or work harder in order to keep up with the demands of the addiction. We have to smoke or drink or eat more in order to get the same promise out of them, and that costs more money. And not to mention the toll that these things take on our health. Cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and other organ disfunction awaits the person who remains enslaved to these addictions. We soon find that the freedom promised by these things were actually just another form of bondage. It didn’t tell us what we couldn’t do at first, but eventually we found that we couldn’t stop.

Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

Christ has set us free from every bondage, every enslavement, so there is no need to live in slavery today to anything. No addiction can hold us if we abide in Christ and live in obedience. We have a promised land, a land of freedom promised to us in God’s word. But, just like the Israelites after they were freed from Egypt, they still had to fight to take the land that was promised to them.

Deuteronomy 1:8 - Behold, I have set the land before you: go in and possess the land which the LORD swore unto your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give unto them and to their seed after them.

Joshua 1:3 Every place where the sole of your foot treads, I have given you, as I promised Moses.

Even though God made these promises to Joshua and Moses, they Bible shows through most of the book of Joshua that they had to fight to gain ground and to take possession of the land and freedom God said was theirs. Likewise, freedom is ours, it’s already promised to us, but it’s up to us to fight and take it.

But isn’t it difficult to now battle against our addiction? It’s easy to remember the “good times” when the enslavement didn’t seem so bad. Wasn’t it nice to us before? Didn’t it kind of keep some of its promises? But unless we want to go back to Egypt, back to being told we can’t leave and we can’t stop while it slowly kills us and works us to death, we must fight.

Numbers 14:40-45 - Early the next morning they set out for the highest point in the hill country, saying, “Now we are ready to go up to the land the Lord promised. Surely we have sinned!” But Moses said, “Why are you disobeying the Lord’s command? This will not succeed! Do not go up, because the Lord is not with you. You will be defeated by your enemies, for the Amalekites and the Canaanites will face you there. Because you have turned away from the Lord, he will not be with you and you will fall by the sword.” Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the highest point in the hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the Lord’s covenant moved from the camp. Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah.

However, if we try to fight in our own strength, we will be beaten time and again, just like the Israelites were each time they tried to fight without God’s provision. The truth is that if we were strong enough to free ourselves and battle on our own, we would have done so. And just because we are children of the omnipotent King doesn’t mean that we can do things without Him with us. 

Gaining ground is a struggle, but if we rely upon the Lord’s strength, ground will be gained. We must pray before every battle, realizing that this is not our war, it’s His. Rely upon His strength each and every time we need to resist the urge to give in to our slavery. God alone can defeat our enemy, we need to leave it in His hands, and worry about only about abiding in Him.

My personal paraphrase of the promises from Isaiah 30:18-21(TPT) - Entwine your heart with His. Wait for Him to help and He will answer you when you cry out. Through hardship and difficulty, He will be with you—He will not hide from you. And you will hear his once behind you saying, “This is the way, walk in it.”

John 15:7-8 - If you remain in me and my words in you, that is if we are vitally united and my message lives in your heart, ask whatever you wish and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified and honored by this, when you bear much fruit and prove to be my disciples. (AMP)

So my prayer today is that we take hold of the freedom to say “no” to whatever we are enslaved to today. That we will believe the promises of strength and boldness that we are granted in God’s word and march forward with Him in front of us and behind us and telling us where to go and how to get there. That our hearts will be entwined with His and that He will help us with the battles that we are facing to take hold of the freedom that is ours. In Jesus name.

Sunday Devotional: Waiting and Waiting and Waiting upon the Lord

“For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property.  To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 

He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. 

Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’

 And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 

He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

(Matthew 25:14-30)

There are times in our Christian walk when we have a vision of what God wants us to do, we know that it's His will, but we are waiting to see the manifestation of this vision in our lives. And waiting... and waiting. But what are we to do while we wait for the Lord?

In the parable of the talents, we see three servants who were given talents by their lord with no instructions on how to use them, no warning on how long the lord would be away, and no command on what the servants should do while he was gone. He didn't tell them this was a test. He didn't tell them there would be rewards or consequences.

Two of the servants used their talents and worked to make their lord more prosperous. And one buried his talent in the ground to protect it and then did his own thing. And when the lord came back, he rewarded the two and punished the one.

If we take this parable as an example of waiting upon the Lord, what should we do while we wait? Sitting around, watching Netflix, and scrolling Facebook don't seem like the best options - those would be akin to what the third servant did. The lord knew that this servant was prone to passivity and laziness, so he only gave him one talent at the start.

What God wants is for us to be growing His kingdom. He wants us to use the talents He's given us to know Him and to make Him known. These are the keys to growing the kingdom.

“This is eternal life: to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent” 

(John 17:3).

“But nothing, not even my life, is more important than my completing my mission. This is nothing other than the ministry I received from the Lord Jesus: to testify about the good news of God’s grace” (Acts 20:24).

So while we're waiting, God wants us to be productive. He wants us to draw closer to Him and get to know Him better through prayer and diligent study of His word. He wants us to rely upon Him while we battle our personal sins and tear down the strongholds that keep us from better, greater fellowship with Him. 

This creates our personal testimony. As we overcome the world and our flesh, we have a reason for our faith. People will see the changes in our lives and the things which set us apart from the rest of the word because of the deliverance to abundant life we have in Jesus. This is how we make Him known. More people are drawn to Christ from one person walking in freedom and fellowship with God than a million tracts. Our testimony and the blood of the Lamb are the two things that help us triumph over Satan:

 They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;

 (Revelation 12:11a)

So what kind of testimony did the third servant have? Since he buried his talent and spent his days doing as he felt, I doubt he had the kind of testimony that would bring glory to his lord. 

I desire the kind of testimony that brings God glory and greater honor. And I know this can only be done by overcoming the strongholds in my life and by relying completely upon God to tear them down. But it's difficult, it's not easy, and too often, I want a quick fix. Waiting upon the Lord is hard, it's work, and it's not something we can do passively.

So today, my prayer is that we will chose to be productive for the Lord. I pray that we will grow in the Lord and gain a testimony that defeats the devil. I pray that we will get to know Him better and better each day so that it becomes easier to wait for Him because we trust Him to know the timing that is best for us. Oh Lord, let us overcome our passivity and make choices today which will further your kingdom. Amen.

Sunday Devotional: Getting Nowhere

via GIPHY

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:8-9)

Sometimes it feels like our spiritual life is getting nowhere. We think we're working hard and doing all the right things, but just like the cat on the slide, we're not getting to where we should...fast. Maybe it's time to take an honest look at ourselves. Are we really doing everything we should be? Are we truly giving 100% of our hearts to God and giving Him the first fruits?

Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?

 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? 

But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; 

it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” (Genesis 4:6-7)

Able gave God the firstborn of his flock--he gave to God first. But Cain gave "some" of his fruit--was it the best that he had? Likely not. Cain's heart wasn't in the right place, so he wasn't accepted. What Cain then did was minimize his sin. He decided that he'd done everything just as well as Able had, and that God was unfair for not accepting and blessing his sacrifice.

Whoa. That one hits home for me this week. I've been feeling like I'm running on a treadmill and getting nowhere, but is it because I'm not giving God the best of myself, the best of my time, the best of my energy? Sure, I'm giving God "some" of my time, but is it because my heart longs for Him, or is it because it's a chore, duty, or burden? 

If I'm minimizing my sin, then I'll decide that I'm doing what I should do, I'm giving "some", so why aren't I getting the blessing?

The Lord is near to all who call on him,

    to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18 emphasis mine)

I want for God to be near to me. I want to have the kind of acceptable life that Able had. I don't want for sin to crouch at my door desiring to have me. I want to rule over my sin instead of it ruling over me. But to do this, I need first to be honest with myself. If I haven't been giving God the best of my life, I need to determine to do it now. I don't ever want my time with Him to be a burden or a chore. I want it to be sweet and something I look forward to. 

That is my prayer for all of us today. Help us oh God, to be honest with ourselves about what we give and about what we do. Help us, Lord, to cry out to you in truth. Draw nearer to us, Jesus, so that we feel the goodness of your presence. With all of our hearts, Amen.

Sunday Devotional - Dealing with Discontentment

One of the hardest things to deal with as a child of God is when we're disappointed with the One who provides all things. Sometimes we think that we deserve more than we have, better than we have, or something faster than we're getting. It's easy to see other people gaining what we want and then feeling like it's unfair that God's holding back His blessing from us. Especially when we've been good.

Like a child throwing a tantrum, we want to rail at God for being unjust.

Satan moves in like a lion waiting to devour right about now, too - he's there to provide all the coaxing that we need to feed our feeling of dissatisfaction.

• Everyone else has more, even though they aren't even believers.
• You've worked so hard this week, you deserve that reward - but God didn't care to give it to you.
• Why should you bother fighting temptation when it makes no difference?
• Why should you have to keep waiting for what you want?
• God obviously doesn't care.
• He doesn't really love you.

The eyes of all look to you,

    and you give them their food at the proper time.

You open your hand

    and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

(Psalm 145:15-16)

God has not changed who He is. He does love us and He does care. He is the provider of all good things - but in the proper time. His time. Our every desire will be satisfied by His hand. Just because He provides differently from what we expect, or at a different time than we hope, doesn't mean He won't provide. 

When feeling discontented, the first thing we need to do is tell God how we feel. If we're mad, tell Him. If we're sad, tell Him that, too. The Psalms are full of discontented voices asking God to hurry up. Once we've emptied out our feelings, we then need to denounce the lies and remember the truth of God's word. His promises are real and meant for us. We need to remember everything He has provided for us already, then thank Him and praise Him. Lastly, we need to wait upon Him. Wait for the contentment, or the blessing. If we know we are going to receive His promise, but haven't yet, we need to wait for it in great expectation. It's coming, even if it's not on our timetable. 

I've had a great bout with discontentment this week. I felt as though I'd been battling hard, fighting to gain ground, but when I checked to see how much ground I'd gained, I'd actually lost some. I was heartbroken, cried, and spent a few hours having a temper-tantrum of sorts. Then God reminded me of His provision. He reminded me that it's about the relationship I'm developing with Him, not about the outside sources or rewards. 

Jesus is the only source of true joy and satisfaction. He is my reward. 

Yes. I had a child-like tantrum and afterward, I felt a great deal of guilt. But God gave me a good hug and reminded me that I'm already acceptable to Him. If you're feeling discontented like I was, I pray that this short message and testimony will find you where you are and help you remember where you're reward is, too. May God bless you on your continuing journey with Him.

Fruit of the Spirit: Love (Part 5)

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

(Galatians 5:22-23)

To demonstrate love, we have to remember the 15 attributes of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13~

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

Love does not envy.

Love does not boast.

Love is not arrogant.

Love is not rude.

Love is not selfish.

Love is not provoked.

Love thinks no evil.

Love does rejoices in truth.

Love bears all things.

Love believes all things.

Love hopes all things.

Love endures all things.

Love never fails.

In the rest of this blog series on Fruit of the Spirit: Love, we'll go over a few of these attributes per post.

Love is Kind

Kindness starts in the mind.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.  (Romans 12:2)

We are kind when we renew our mind and our feelings about someone else. We are not naturally kind. Instead, we are naturally selfish. In order to show the love of God for others, we have to learn to become kind. Kindness is thoughtfulness, graciousness, helpfulness, and consideration. It is when we put someone else's needs above our own, and meeting those needs as we see them. Today, I ask God to open your eyes to see the needs around you so that you can fulfill them. 

Sunday #Devotional for #tWorship - Controlling Peace - Guest #Blog

Controlling Peace

by Barbara Ann Derksen

The winter sky, this morning, is the same color as the snowy landscape, not so great for those of us who think of ourselves as photographers. But there’s no wind and the temperature is slightly moderate in light of what it could be at this time of year.

I’m working on my latest books, writing, social networking, and doing research, all necessary to the work of a writer. In the midst of it all, God tells me through Paul, in His letter to the Colossian church that “You have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” Col 2:10 (NIV)

I can relax knowing that Jesus is in control. The following is an example of someone who tussles with who she is in Christ. Marsha struggled with the task in front of her. She needed to complete this one before she could begin the next. There is always a next one, she thought. She had a hard time saying no. Marsha loaded the table with fresh produce for the food bank and then picked up the inventory list. Keeping track of what came in and what was taken by needy people in the community was part of her job as food bank coordinator.

Marsha loved the accolades she received from leaders in the small town she lived in. And yet, she was never satisfied that she’d done enough or that she received enough community awards. She felt a deep emptiness inside. These volunteer projects were supposed to fill that void, guarantee her a place of honor in heaven someday. Nothing seemed to be good enough, however.

As a Christian, God has come into our lives to fill that empty spot, the void that was created so that only He could fill it. People try all sorts of things. They work hard to load that emptiness with good deeds, but they leave God entirely out of the picture. It doesn’t work because it remains ‘human doings’ instead of God doing through us.

Our walk with the Lord, our daily time with Him, fills us to continue through the rest of our day. Because we are content, because we feel loved and cherished by God Himself, we seek to volunteer, to do whatever we can for someone else, not so we can earn anything but because of what He has given to us. We want to share His love with others because He gave His love to us when we least deserved it. Our life is full, content, and we have only God to thank for it.

For further study: Phil.4:11; 1 Tim. 6:8;Heb.13:5

This is an excerpt from the devotional Road Trip. The book of Matthew, Chapter five, begins the greatest sermon ever preached. In this chapter and all the way to the end of chapter seven, God gives us clear direction on how we are to live our lives as Christians. He covers a host of topics leaving no doubt that He loves us and wants only the best for us. Road Trip is an easy to read study of those principles to encourage you in your daily walk. http://t.co/S6NymPvv

~*~

Watching the expressions on the faces of her readers is what drives author and speaker, Barbara Ann Derksen to write. Her favorite genre is murder mystery but each book brings forth characters who rely on God as they solve the puzzle in their life. With 14 books to her credit, Barbara works hard to develop a social media presence. Her books can be found on Amazon, at Barnes and Nobles, and on her website, www.barbaraannderksen.com. Canadian born, Barbara is a member of The Word Guild, Manitoba Writer’s Guild, The Writer’s Collective, and Christian Motorcyclists Association, USA.

The Broken Battle Plan - #Sunday Devotional for #tWorship

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Stay alert; be in prayer so you don't wander into temptation without even knowing you're in danger. There's a part of you that's eager, ready for anything in God. But there's another part that's as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire. (Matthew 26:40-41)

Every day dawns as a fresh start. I feel it every morning. I spend time in prayer and diligent study of the Bible and map out how great my day is going to be. I'm eager, ready for anything in God. Ready to serve Him and battle my temptations. I'm like a warrior, ready for my fight.

Then the day presses on. I get tangled up in the worries and cares of this world. It's just my daily routine, but it can be so very harrowing. I grow fatigued. I'm like a warrior who needs to march 20 miles to the battlefield.

Now I'm tired. But I'm tough, right? Because I'm a warrior. So even though my General, my God is calling His troops into a huddle, calling me to a moment of prayer and the nourishment of His word, He's way over there, and there's this great spot right here where I can sit and take a break for a minute. I'm not that hungry, am I? I'd rather have this moment of peace than eat right now.

Then the battle begins. The enemy flanks me and finds that I'm the weak spot. He learns that I'm not ready for him, and doubles his attack. But I'm a warrior, too proud to call out for help. I can handle this.

Then I lose. Every time.

When will I learn that the old lazy dog in me is going to make me lose the battle with temptation every day? I know how to fix my problem, and I know what I'm missing. So today, will I change?

Opening the Door

Do we ever make our dreams for success or accomplishment as God's purpose for us? Do we think that if we obey God will accomplish great things with our obedience?  His purpose may well be just the opposite.  God's end, His purpose for us IS the process of submitting our will to Him. It is today that He wants us to focus on.  Oswald Chambers said, "God's training is for NOW, not presently.  His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future.   We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get it wrong when we think of the afterwards.   What men call training and preparation, God calls the end. . . if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment is precious."

Our obedience will accomplish great things.  Perhaps we will never see the repercussions of what our faith does.  Maybe God will give us a goal that He has no intention for us to personally reach.  There were missionaries who felt that they were to go and preach the word to an indigenous tribe in South America - but when they got there, they were slaughtered within days after arrival by the very people they were trying to bring the gospel to.  But when more missionaries, including their familes came - not to seek revenge, but to share God's love, the tribe who did the murdering came to Christ.  It is said that the church is a plant that is watered by the blood of saints.  Are we truly willing to shed our blood in order to bring God glory?

The Bible is full of ordinary people who went to impossible places and did wondrous things simply because they decided to obey God, even when others said "You can't do that." They weren't more qualified for their tasks then we are.  But they trusted God to open doors and give them the power the need in their situation.  Can we trust God to open doors that seem closed?  The doors God sets before us are much like grocery store entrances - they doors seem closed, but the minute you step up to them, they open.  God opens the door the minute we step up in faith.  But if we never take the step of faith, the doors will always be closed.

Be Fruitful

John 15 :1-11 – I am the true vine, and My Father is the vine dresser.  Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.  You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.  Abide in Me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I am the vine, you are the branches.  He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.  If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.  If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.  By this My father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.

These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.

~*~*~*~

Galations 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law.

I am new to gardening.  My husband just built a flowerbox for me at the front of our house, and filled it with good fertilizer.  I don’t know much about flowering plants other than annuals last a season, and perennials come back again next year.  When the flowers I planted stop producing buds about two weeks after planting, a friend of mine suggested that I prune the old flowers.

Pruning is a strange concept to someone who knows nothing about plants.  The act of cutting off unfruitful parts so that the fruitful ones can flourish seems an unusual thought.  But if we think about it rationally, it may start to make sense.  If we consider the fact that resources are limited: that the soil only holds so much nutrient value, there is only so much water that a plant can take in, and there are only so many hours of sunlight in the day.  Then we might start to realize that taking away unfruitful branches help the fruitful ones to gain more resources that would have been used up by the unfruitful branches.

The same is true of our lives.  There are only so many hours in the day, and we only have so much energy.  If we spend our resources on things that are unfruitful – that bring us down instead of raising us up, we won’t have the resources necessary in order to help our fruitful branches bear more fruit.  Sometimes we spend ourselves on things that are not necessarily bad, but not best either.  There is nothing wrong with watching the news on TV, but now that there are 24 hour news networks, we could spend every waking moment watching it.  This would certainly take away our time to do better things, such as spending time building a relationship with the Lord.

Sports and activities keep us healthy and allow us to socialize with people we have common ground with.  This is a good thing.  But if we become so obsessed with a sport or activity that it takes time away from relationship building and fruit bearing, it too needs pruning.

We need to put everything under the obedience of Christ.  If it is not fruit bearing, prune it.  We need to spend more time in praise, worship, and meditating on scripture than we do watching television.  If we prioritize our lives and make God a greater priority, we will not regret the fruit that we bear.  Let’s make this our prayer today.

Ephesians 5:8-11 – For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.  And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.

My 5am Prayer

This prayer I wrote in 2004 when I was struggling with my temptation.  I have rewritten it today as an anthem of where I want to go from here, and my prayer to God to get there now. Let this be the dawn of a new day.

What a horrible, miserable, terrible wretch I am.  When I read the gospels, watch movies about Christ, who do I relate to?  Thomas’s doubt.   Peter’s denial.  Judas’ Betrayal.  Why must I feel so totally like Paul when he speaks of that which he does not want to do, that he does (Romans 8), and that which he wants to do, he cannot do.  This describes every day of my life.

My desire for food is offensive.  Jesus said that if your right eye offends you, pluck it out.  How much I would do harm to myself physically if I could solve this? I can’t believe my desire to do myself harm.

I honestly would rather be blind or maimed, but be CHRIST’S; rather than be whole and bound for hell.  But I know that physical mutilation is not the answer – it wouldn’t work.  I know that I desire the taste of food, but if I ripped out my tongue, or stripped off my taste buds, then it would be the smell of food that caused me to sin.  If I stripped my face of my nose as well, then it would be the beautiful site of food that would lead me into temptation.  If I would blind myself, too, then I would desire the warm feeling of chewing, and the sensuous feeling of swallowing.

No, nothing that I can DO will stop my sin.  How much am I like the seed that fell on the side of the road?  When I first heard this word, I sprouted up quickly and lost 11 lbs, but now I have already gained back 5 and I see no end in sight.  I could see that the scale would continue to climb.

I desire so much for someone/ something to take this desire away from me.  I am willing if it would work to have my stomach stapled, to have gastric by-pass, to be hypnotized.  But I’m not stupid.  I know that no man-made method will ever take away my temptation, my desire to sin.

So I turn to religion.  I read several chapters of the Bible daily, I read devotionals, I watch biblical dramas, listen to teaching tapes, and yet I still lose my focus and still desire to sin.  I want to cry out for help, but to who?  I look for some PERSON to help me.  I want to email someone who might feel as I do and ask: what do I do?

Then I realize that my faith is misplaced.  IT is not in God, not in my Savior Jesus, not in my Jehovah Rapha.  It is in man, in some teacher and his/her writings and other works that I am looking for some way to change myself.  But where is God?  Where is Jesus?  Where do I look for them?  In a book? A video? 

I need to pray that Jesus will take this from me.  Focus UPON Him.  Remember Him, and have Him guide me in every aspect of my life, in every decision and PRAY SOME MORE! Pray without ceasing.  Don’t give up, don’t let Him deny my request.  Beg Him to change His mind, like the Canaanite woman on the road who wouldn’t take no for an answer, beg Him for the crumbs.  I am a dog, I would be more than happy to lick His boots in order to receive a pat on the head and a kind word.

If I might occupy some remote corner of Heaven, the place farthest away from the Lord, but know that I have His approval - that would be huge achievement.  I wouldn’t be able to achieve it, much less deserve it. Who am I Lord that you would even breathe life into me?  Who am I that you would even take notice of my hair, much less know how many hairs I have?  I don’t even deserve your consideration Lord, but I know that you are generous.  You give what is not deserved, pay what is not earned.  SO I am begging you Lord, trusting in your generosity.  Please, Please, Please take this desire from me.